204 Sarcastic Quotes & Sayings

Everyone wants to be honest without being brutal to others. One of the ways to do it is by being sarcastic. It is witty and funny that brings humor to life while giving the most ruthless type of honesty, too. Some people find it hard to understand what the sarcastic messages mean.

These quotes can sound weird, but there’s some truth behind them. It is easier to show feelings to others by being ironic. To give you an idea, here are more than 200 sarcastic quotes that you will enjoy to read.

Oh, my bad. I’m sorry for bothering you. I forgot I only exist when you need me for something.

Real friends are always there in both good and bad times. The fake ones will only reach out when they need something from you.

If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.

Be wise when you talk. There’s no need to ask if you already know the answer.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhh. No one cares.

This quote says you should stop complaining. Your opinion doesn’t matter to someone who is sarcastic.

Oh, you hate me? Join the club! There are weekly meetings at the corner of You St. and Kiss My Ass Blvd.

When someone hates you, let him. It does not matter at all. Just let him be angry and don’t mind him.

I’m 97% sure you don’t like me but I’m 100% sure I don’t care.

Don’t mind someone if he hates you. His feelings are just feelings that will never harm you.

Your flexibility amazes me. How do you get your food in your mouth and your head up your ass all at the same time?

Some people are fond of ruining others by gossiping. Just don’t mind them. You know yourself better.

I don’t have a bad temper. I just have a quick reaction to bullshit.

Sensitive people are more likely to be treated badly by sarcastic people. They might be patient but too fast to react when they have to.

Listen, I’m a nice person. So if I’m a to you, you need to ask yourself why.

Ill-mannered people don’t deserve to be treated right. If someone is rude to him, he should ask himself why.

Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived!

This is a perfect introduction for a person who is known to be sarcastic.

People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

Sarcastic persons tend to struggle to show their true feelings. Sometimes, people show their true feelings, while others assume they are just pretending.

I try not to laugh at my own jokes but we all know I’m hilarious.

People who make others laugh are sometimes not real fun-loving people. They mask their real feelings with being hilarious.

You are the result of 4 billion years of evolution. So act like it.

A sarcastic person doesn’t want to deal with old-fashioned, freak people. Stop acting weird. Be normal.

I’m sorry, I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

When someone says it you, he means you’re demanding, bossy, and arrogant. Sarcastic people are never willing to accept errands.

You: Do you think I am stupid? Me: It’s not your fault.

This quote expresses hatred towards stupidity. Someone says this when feeling angry or annoyed with the foolishness of the other person she’s talking to.

Person 1: Can I ask you a question? Person 2: You just did!

Just go straight to the point when you talk to a sarcastic person. Ask what you want to ask. Speak clearly to avoid this sarcastic answer.

My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.

This quote pertains to a person who might be out of his mind or with a careless way of thinking. Sarcastic people tend to say it whenever they feel tired of dealing with a stupid person.

Oh. I didn’t tell you. Then it must be none of your business.

Stop thinking of your friend’s business. Think about your own life to get rid of a sarcastic statement like this.

My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.

Sarcastic people like to keep boundaries. Boundaries are boundaries. People may tell this to you if they feel you’re invading their privacy.

Don’t take yourself so seriously, no one else does.

Stop being serious about everything in your life. Just enjoy everything that you come across each day.

I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

Sometimes, making a person understand you is too challenging. Dealing with a foolish person is really a big struggle for someone who is impatient.

Hey! I had shoes like those once. Then my father got a job.

This sarcastic quote encourages you to be proud of what you have. Don’t be ashamed of what you can afford right now. Your fortune will change in time.

Just because the voices only talk to me, doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.

Don’t be jealous if no one pays attention to you. That is the case as the world doesn’t evolve towards you and only you.

You are about as useful as a white crayon.

This quote pertains to a person with a foolish mindset. The sarcastic one can’t depend on it.

Babies are so lucky. They can sleep all day and everyone still would be proud of them.

Babies are babies. Adults for adults. You’re an adult, so don’t act like a baby.

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

People who care for you do not need to be showy. They will show how much they care if they have to.

True bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing.

People understand each other if they have the same opinion about anything. Mutual thinking unites people.

Zombies eat brains. Don’t worry, you’re safe.

This quote is telling you don’t have a “brain” that makes you safe from zombies. It talks about common sense.

Police pulls over a speeding car: COP: I’ve been waiting for you all day. DRIVER: Yeah well I got here as fast as I could.

In this quote, the driver seems does not care about getting violated if he drives faster than he should. This could be the best sarcastic, defensive quote if you get caught.

Boy: “You’re not my type.” Girl: “Why, ‘cause I can read?”

In this quote, there is a misunderstanding between the man and the lady. It clearly says the man is not interested in her, but the girl can’t understand what he means and gave him a stupid answer.

I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.

This quote says one does not have trust to the other. It’s hard to agree to a person if you know he’s not 100% right.

You’d be in good shape, if you ran as much as your mouth.

This quote goes to those folks out there who love to talk and mind other people’s lives. Stop gossiping if you know you are not perfect.

I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.

For stupid people, sarcastic people are crazy when in fact they just choose to express themselves indirectly. They can’t understand these folks who can’t be honest to them.

If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.

The devil is sometimes hard to find. Sometimes, he’s already in your front and you don’t realize it.

Well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems

Sarcastic people don’t want arguments. They hate dealing with nagging people and defend themselves against these persons who look crazy in their eyes.

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

This quote explains how heavy it is to see face to face the person you hate a lot. A sarcastic person will never try to memorize the face of a person he hates a lot.

That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.

The person who tells you something like this is your number one basher. It looks like a compliment that only a stupid person will appreciate.

I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

This quote is applicable to someone who keeps on bothering you while you have so many things to do. It’s a good thing to say when you’re annoyed and tired of dealing with him.

Tell me. Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?

Being stupid is not a profession. Also, it is not a gift. A sarcastic one truly hates to deal with stupidity.

Violence won’t solve anything. But it sure makes me feel good.

Violence can be painful, but others find fun in it. Only a sarcastic person finds fun in violence.

People say that laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

You look so stupid that your face reactions are so ridiculous. For a sarcastic person, your weird personality can be a source of fun.

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.

This could be the best sarcastic quote you can tell to your biggest enemy in the office. You don’t have a choice but to be there and inevitably see her face.

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

Silence is truly golden, especially if you’re surrounded by people who never get tired of talking nonsense things. A sarcastic person will be happy if you just stop saying stupid things and be quiet.

I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.

This quote can be the best one to use in expressing your feeling to a person you hate the most. Seeing your beautiful face can be so disgusting for someone who hates you.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Steven Wright

This quote appears to pertain to people who look smart even if they not. Sometimes, stupidity is subtle to see in a person. The way he speaks will tell you if he is stupid or not.

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you, they can’t laugh either.

People can say a lot of bad things to you and mock you. And, no one will else will never try to hurt you except for the one you see in the mirror – yourself.

The whole purpose of sending a text is to get a reply within seconds or minutes, otherwise, I would have sent a letter by fucking mail.

If you don’t want someone to be sarcastic, try to get back to him as much as you can. For a sarcastic person, a text message arrives in seconds, so a late reply is unforgivable.

Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Some girls are made of sarcasm, wind, and everything fine.

Some girls are foolish and too kind. Others look fierce, wild, and sarcastic. Not all girls out there will treat you with kindness.

If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel.

There’s a big difference between being single and married. You have more control over your life when you’re single.

Need money for college. Need college for a job. Need a job for money. Who was the mastermind behind this system?

Nothing can be obtained for free. You have to work hard to get it. This is a painful fact that a sarcastic person will tell you.

Askhole. A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.

This is the secret codename for a stubborn and stupid person. He asked for an advice but then he chooses the other way around.

My attitude in exams. They give me questions I don’t know. I give them answers they don’t know.

A sarcastic person won’t be willing to help you around if he doesn’t need to. He prepared for the exam and did it for himself. Don’t expect him to be kind and share his paper with you.

“I may look calm, but inside my mind, I’ve killed you 20 times, in 5 minutes, in 20 different ways.”

Stop playing games with a sarcastic person. Don’t annoy her as you can’t read her mind and tell what she can do to you.

Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.

Sensitivity is different from sarcasm. Stop trying to be sarcastic if you cannot do it with perfection.

Sure I’ll help you out. The same way you came in.

Someone who tells this to you is a traitor. Don’t expect a sarcastic person to be helpful if you know he doesn’t like you.

You: Go to Hell! See you there.

When a person is rude to you and says this to you, just answer her “see you there”. You’re already in hell for spending each day with that kind of person.

Teacher: We are going to play the quiet game. Student: Are you playing too?

Stop showing how stupid you are. When a person is sarcastic, treat him with silence and you’ll be safe.

Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!

It is so easy to misinterpret the feelings of a sarcastic person. You tend to see him in the opposite way.

If you wrote down every single thought you ever had, you would get an award for the shortest story ever..

Just be concise. Just go straight to the point. A sarcastic person won’t be willing to waste his time for a long, nonsense story.

I’m smiling. That alone should scare you.

Not all smiles mean happiness. Even a sarcastic person will smile and pretend he is happy.

You sound better with your mouth closed.

You better shut up if you cannot help being stupid. A sarcastic person will be thankful if you keep quiet.

My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.

A sarcastic person won’t be a good friend to a foolish one. He will choose to be alone than to be with someone who can’t be sarcastic.

If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.

People will think of you negatively if they see how sarcastic you are. They misunderstood your way of being honest and blunt. They should tell you if they feel that way.

I don’t care what people think of me. At least mosquitoes find me attractive.

Don’t listen to what they say. Their opinions are nothing.

We don’t need CCTV camera in our country. Neighbors and relatives are enough.

A sarcastic person has a better understanding about gossiping. He thinks gossiping is the best source of information in the neighborhood.

My girlfriend is so good at playing hide and seek. I haven’t found her yet.

When someone is curious and asks you about your love life, learn how to answer that the best way. If you don’t want him to ask more questions, a sarcastic answer like this is the key.

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

For a sarcastic person, a person can be beautiful within but her attitude makes her ugly inside. If only makeup can fix the problem, she should eat it.

Don’t judge a book by its cover. Don’t judge a student by his percentage.

Is anyone judging you? This is the best sarcastic way to defend yourself against that person.

If the teacher tells you to get out, it means you have won the argument.

In a sarcastic way, this quote means the teacher can’t control you, so she just asked you to go. You are the winner.

Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.

Does the person you trusted a lot left you when you need him? Saying this to him would be the best way to greet him when he comes back.

You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.

It’s better not to see you at all. When you hate a person, this sarcastic quote is so applicable.

Expect nothing and you’ll never be disappointed!

Stop expecting for something from someone. You will feel great once you did it. This is the best advice that a sarcastic person will tell you.

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

It’s so annoying to deal with a person who keeps on disturbing you. This quote is a “kind” message you can dedicate to that person.

I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

Losing weight is a big struggle. This quote will be the best way to explain how you feel when you’re complaining of the situation.

I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.

Dealing with stupid people in the kindest way is so difficult. This is true for a sarcastic one.

I’m on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat.

This is the best sarcastic quote to say when someone reminds you of your diet. It’s quite annoying to accept someone’s opinion when you don’t even ask for it.

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

The world does not turn around because of you. Don’t be jealous if you fail to be noticed. Let others shine and take your turn in the end.

Look at you, you’re in perfect shape. For a circle.

This quote can be the safest way to discriminate a chubby person. If she’s foolish, she will never realize what you’re trying to say.

Behind every successful person, there’s a lot of unsuccessful years.

Achieving success is never easy. Ask a sarcastic person and he will tell you that life could have more negatives than the positives.

I’m sorry. What language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit.

This quote is a great one to say when you are annoyed to a stupid person. It is a blunt but honest way to answer a person who tells you something you don’t understand.

Sarcasm: The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.

Idiots are idiots. They can’t tell the difference between a joke and a sarcastic expression.

A boy is hammering nails into the table: Mom: What are you doing? The boy: Is that a trick question?

Stop asking questions if the answer is too obvious. Be clever to avoid getting a sarcastic statement like this.

See this hand? It’s going to descend in an arc that will, in the process, have contact with your face. Just warning you.

Dealing with a person who cannot understand you can be so annoying. This quote is the best way to make him understand that you are already annoyed.

Question: Do you know who I am? Answer: No. Why? Have you forgotten?

In this quote, one person is angry while the other is stupid. They are not on the same page.

You always do me a favor, when you shut up!

If you can’t do anything else to help, you better shut up. A sarcastic person will be happy if you say silent.

If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really.

This quote is a good sarcastic joke that you can play when you meet a stupid person in the elevator. He will quickly believe it works.

Me washing my car* Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car? Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.

Sometimes, people are still asking when their eyes can already see it. This quote can be a joke that allows you to be safely sarcastic to them.

What did I do to give you the impression I actually care about what you think?

This happens when a stupid person fails to get what you mean by your actions. He may think you care when you actually don’t.

If I had to pay you a dollar for every smart thing you say, I’d save a lot of money.

Dealing with a foolish person can be so tiring. Most of the words he says are simply unhelpful.

You have no one to blame but yourself. Unless some other guy is standing next to you then you can blame him.

Accept that you’re responsible for everything that happens to you. This quote is a sarcastic advice that teaches you a lesson.

You: OMG did you just fall? No the ground just came up and smacked me in my face!

This is a clever way to answer a nonsense question of a person who already saw what happened to you. It’s so hard to see how stupid he is for asking what happened in front of him.

I hope the bus you threw me under swerves to hit you on the sidewalk.

Sometimes, you may want to hurt someone but you don’t want to be mean. In this quote, you might be wishing you can hide yourself so you can hurt the person you hate a lot.

You: Do you want a piece of my mind? Me: Oh no, I couldn’t take the last piece.

In this quote, you are serious with your sarcastic question. You’re just unfortunate that the person you’re talking to cannot get your point.

I thought I had seen the pinnacle of stupid. Then I met you.

Sometimes, the stupid person you already knew is much better than the other. Someone else can be more stupid than him.

Find your patience before I lose mine.

It’s so difficult to stay patient to a person who never runs out of stupidity. Go and ask him to go away and leave you alone before you turn into a beast.

Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?

Dealing with a fool is not something you can do for a lifetime. This quote is pushing you to ask that person to improve and be better than he is.

Person 1: Watch my stuff. Me: Why? Is it going to do a trick?

A stupid person will ask you to do something that can make you fool. With this quote, you’re trying to be sarcastic to him in a subtle way.

You’re unique just like everyone else.

Every stupid person is unique. Make him realize how unique he is for being so stupid.

I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.

Clapping doesn’t always mean happiness. A slow clap is what a sarcastic person does when he’s happy.

I almost gave a Scared the shit out of myself.

Stupidity is one big headache for a sarcastic person. Do you feel the same when someone is stupid and you can’t take it anymore?

My level of sarcasm has gotten to the point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

Sarcasm doesn’t bring good to a person. If you practice it every day, you will eventually find that you have changed that you cannot recognize yourself anymore.

My mother didn’t raise a fool. A psychotic cold-hearted But not a fool.

Does someone say you’re a fool? Well, this quote will be the sweetest way to defend yourself when a person criticizes you.

What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.

If a person hates you, he feels this way. He will be so happy to see you crying in pain. He is sad when you’re celebrating.

An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

Stop being stupid to a person if you know she has a tendency to be sarcastic. Or, if you are sarcastic, you can take this advice and try to hurt someone by throwing an apple.

I take super-hot showers to practice burning in hell.

Does someone ask why you’re taking a hot shower? This quote will be the best way to answer that stupid question.

You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo.

A stupid person tends to be unfamiliar with everything. If someone asks you how to use a shampoo and you’re annoyed of the question, this will be a sarcastic joke that you can use to “criticize” him.

Remember when I asked for your opinion? Yeah me neither.

Learn when to speak and when you should be quiet. When you’re not asked for a suggestion or opinion, don’t ever dare to speak.

I always say “Morning” Instead of “Good Morning” Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in bed and not talking to people.

When you’re still sleepy, saying good morning is hard on your part. Not all mornings can be good. That is a fact.

I don’t know where all this crap about me being a “difficult person” is coming from. I’m a constant f..cking delight.

Is there someone telling you that you’re too difficult to deal with? This sarcastic quote would be the best way to protect yourself against that criticism.

I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.

Describing you in a negative way could be so awful. A negative impression can be insulting but you just have to accept it. Go on and fix yourself.

There’s someone for everyone. And the person for you is a physiatrist.

Is your friend a stupid one and wondering why he’s still single? This quote will be a sarcastic joke that you can throw on him.

Dear Life. Could you at least start using lubricant?

Rough things in life can be so sticky. In this quote, you’re wishing that you can easily get away from rough things and stupid people.

Don’t worry about hurting my feelings, because I guarantee you not one bit of my self-esteem is tied up in your acceptance.

If you are sarcastic and someone hurts you, make him understand that you don’t care about his negative opinion. Saying this quote to him is the best way to let him know.

That’s a pretty dress. Too bad you couldn’t find it in your size.

Do you want to play a joke to your chubby friend? Telling her this quote could be the best way to do that.

Here let me drop what’s important to me and pay attention to you and all of your needs.

Stop bothering other people and asking for their attention. In short, mind your own business. You are not the world’s apple of the eye.

Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.

If you are tired of talking to a person who is not as smart as you, just play it cool. If you want to subtly sarcastic to him, this statement is for you.

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

Sometimes, you feel heavy to see a person right from the first time you saw him or her. Remember, not all people will be good to you right at the beginning.

I’ve reached that age where my brain goes from “You probably shouldn’t say that.” To “What the hell, let’s see what happens.”

Stupidity and immaturity can go hand in hand. This sarcastic quote will be the best explanation for that connection between those two. Everyone can be stupid and sarcastic at the same time.

Revenge is beneath me. Accidents, however, will happen.

You may plan to revenge, but what’s on your mind happens even before you take the first step. This quote is telling that you don’t have to revenge at all times because karma will do it for you.

I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.

Enduring an annoying person is quite tiring in some cases. Truly, it can be so tiring and draining to do.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

Dealing with a stupid person is one of the hardest things to do in life. Enduring stupidity can be deadly at some point.

There’s no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.

You are not born to please everyone. Just walk away and stop pushing yourself to a person if you feel she doesn’t like you.

I can’t be around people who take everything I say seriously. I’m not being mean, I’m just sarcastic as hell and I like to joke around. Why are you crying?

Sarcastic people stay the way they are. You don’t need to take every mean word they say.

They say women speak 20,000 words a day. I have a daughter who gets that done by breakfast.

If you’re a man, then you have to endure women. They are talkative and even tend to be sarcastic at times.

Excuse me, which level of hell is this?

Being sarcastic is being mean. There’s a place in hell for sarcastic people.

When I’m feeling down and someone says “suck it up”, I get the urge to break their legs and say, “walk it off”.

Don’t play jokes with a sarcastic person. You won’t be happy with what they can say.

You know that little voice inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn’t? Yeah, I don’t have that.

A stupid person can’t think and speak straight to the point. He tends to be repetitive. A sarcastic individual does the opposite.

You know what I like about people? Their dogs.

Dogs know better how to distinguish real good people from the sarcastic and fake ones compared to humans. A sarcastic person will be friendlier to the dog of her friend instead.

People who reply to my sarcasm with sarcasm are my favorite.

If you’re sarcastic, then you can be good friends with another sarcastic individual. This kind of friend is somewhat hard to find.

Have you ever met someone and thought, “There goes the reason why contraceptives were invented?”

Perhaps, only the one with a stupid mind will think of asking this. Perhaps, this question says contraceptives can help in preventing the number of stupid people from increasing.

I’d slap you but that would be animal abuse.

When someone says this line to you, that person might be seeing you as low as an animal. For a sarcastic one, a fool is not different from an animal.

Most people have “Ah ha” moments. I have “Oh for’s sake, this shit” moments.

For sarcastic people, only the stupid say Ah ha. The case is different for him.

I have to stop saying how stupid you can be. Some people are starting to take it as a challenge.

For sarcastic people, some people do not realize how stupid they are and how they have been like that. They hate to say people taking their sarcastic statements with sincerity.

I’m not petty, I’m dead ass disrespectful and I will straight up disrespect you if you want to play that petty game. Your feelings will be hurt.

Sarcastic people are not hesitating to express their feelings and say what’s on their mind. Thus, they can hurt their feelings.

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.

The interests of sarcastic people are often the opposite of the good ones. They like what may challenge them.

Some people are a human version of a migraine.

For sarcastic people, dealing with people with stupid minds is causing pain to their heads. How hardly they wish they can get rid of these less brainy folks.

Grammar. The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Sarcasm is all about being rude to stupid people. This is a way to criticize or insult a person indirectly.

If only closed minds came with closed mouths.

Sarcastic people hate dealing with fool, talkative people. Sadly, people who tend to be stupid are more likely to be talkative.

People think I’m shy because I don’t get involved in their conversations. The truth is, I don’t give a what they’re talking about.

Stupid folks mistakenly recognize those who are sarcastic for being weird. What they don’t know is that sarcastic people don’t enjoy the non-sense talks of the stupid ones.

I hate it when I think I’m buying organic vegetables but when I get home, I discover they’re just regular donuts.

For sarcastic people, there’s no real difference between organic and non-organic products. Everything is just the same.

It’s a beautiful day to leave me alone.

People who tend to be sarcastic often finds peace and satisfaction when left alone and undisturbed. You will surely agree to this if you have the tendency to be sarcastic.

Congratulations! You’ve managed to make me feel like a worthless piece of shit again. Would you like an award for that?

Sarcastic people also don’t like to be mistreated like fool people. If someone hurts your feelings, this statement would be the best thing to say to him.

I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.

Sarcastic people are just honest to what they say. They don’t intend to hurt feelings though their words are often mean.

I think Dildo is a perfectly acceptable insult. I’d call you a but you’re not real enough.

Sarcastic people tend to insult people in a subtle way. Sadly, the fool ones struggle to differentiate a sarcastic criticism to a constructive criticism.

If your phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.

Sarcastic people won’t even mind contacting a person if he or she is not interested in them. You should keep this in mind from now on. If someone does this to you, he’s likely to tell you the truth in a sarcastic way if you insist to ask him about his indifference.

When something goes wrong in your life, just yell “Plot Twist” and move on.

Sarcastic people are brave enough to pursue life when something goes wrong on their way. They don’t take everything in life with sincerity.

If someone points at your black clothes and asks, whose funeral it is, you just look around the room, and answer, “haven’t decided yet.”

Black is beautiful. It is not only related to darkness or death. People tend to be sarcastic when asked why they’re wearing black.

Sweetie, leave the sarcasm and insults to the pros. You’re going to hurt yourself. Go play in traffic.

Don’t try to be sarcastic if you’re not good at it. Being good in sarcasm takes time, patience, and a clever mind to develop the skills needed here.

What’s a queen without her king? Well, historically, better.

Sometimes, a person does not have to be with someone else to be better. Independence is a big thing, especially for a sarcastic individual.

Abracadabra! Nope. You’re still a

A sad thing for a sarcastic person. He can’t take away your stupidity.

Oh. I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

This is a kind of question that a stupid may find hard to answer. If you are sarcastic and someone stupid talks to you, you will surely see him struggling to go with the flow with you.

When people see you laying down with your eyes closed, they still ask “Are you sleeping?” And I’m like, “No. I’m training to die.”

Sarcastic persons often answer stupid questions with mean answers. They hate people who are still asking when the answer is already obvious.

Come here you big, beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we’re going to get done today.

Sarcasm and compliment can go together. Only a sarcastic person knows how to praise a person in a harsh and blunt way.

My alone time is sometimes for your safety.

If you’re sensitive, then you must keep yourself away from someone who tends to answer curious questions with obvious but sarcastic answer. Don’t interrupt with a person who looks happy when being alone.

Sometimes I wish I could get a refund on the time I have invested on people that weren’t worth it.

It’s the line of a sarcastic person when she’s regretting about a person. Of she knows the person is the kind she likes, she will immediately cut her connection with him or her.

I wish more people were fluent in silence.

When you think a person is sarcastic, it’s better to be silent than saying something stupid. She will like you if you stay silent.

Deja Poo. The feeling that you’ve heard this crap before.

Sarcasm has its version of Déjà vu: it’s Deja Poo. A sarcastic person hates to hear a nonsense word over and over again.

I’m a lady, but when I’m mad, I am an evil sadistic demon spawned from hell that will make you regret the day you were born. And when I’m happy, I like to bake cookies and shit.

Nothing is impossible for a woman to say when she turns into her sarcastic form. Her words can become so violent. Her actions also become destructive to someone.

I’m an odd combination of “really sweet” and “don’t mess with me.”

A sarcastic lover is exactly the opposite of a gentle and loving one. Don’t bother and annoy someone if you know she can be sarcastic.

I am in one of those moods where I just want to throw a book at someone’s face and be like: I facebooked you.

A sarcastic person can hurt anyone not just emotionally but physically, too. Nothing is impossible for her if you annoy her.

Controlling my tongue is no problem. It’s my face that needs deliverance.

Sarcastic person is truthful to what he or she says. The person cannot control himself.

Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.

Don’t assume that someone who is rude to you will take you seriously even for some time. A sarcastic one lacks the patience and willingness to understand others, especially the stupid ones.

Hmmm, I’m going to file your opinions right here between “ this” and “ that”.

Sarcastic persons don’t accept nonsense opinions. Be wise and careful when you talk to a sarcastic one.

Life is a soup and I’m a freaking fork.

Life is so beautiful. However, when a sarcastic person comes into your life, your life will be bound to change for worst and not for better.

Some people are just treasures that you just want to bury them.

Sarcastic people are big haters of foolish individuals. If they see you as a stupid one, they will surely treat you this way.

Sweetie, I’m going to need you to put those few remaining brain cells together and work with me here, Okay?

Working with people who seem stupid and fool in their eyes is quite irritating for sarcastic folks. If someone is making you feel you look fool, don’t take it seriously but improve yourself.

In order to insult me, I must value your opinion. Nice try though.

Winning against a sarcastic person is so challenging. Beating her skills in criticizing and saying sarcastic words is a big struggle for someone who is less likely to be sarcastic.

I’ve got heels higher than your standards.

It’s a sarcastic quote that goes to easy-to-get people. The witty ones settle for highest standards while the foolish ones go for the opposite.

If you don’t like and still watch everything I do, b..tch you are a fan.

A sarcastic person won’t call for attention. Anyone who still prefers to watch might be idolizing the person.

I may look calm but in my mind, I’ve killed you three times.

Being sarcastic does not always mean telling how annoyed you are. Sometimes, you remain silent while imagining that you’re hurting the person.

Oh sure, you’re smart. Sesame Street smart.

A sarcastic person also has a better way to praise people. This quote is a kind of praise that a sarcastic person may say to “praise” a person.

Don’t worry about what I’m doing. Worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.

This is the best sarcastic phrase that tells you not to worry about someone else’s life. It’s his life and you have your own to manage.

I’d rather be someone’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea.

A sarcastic guy prefers to be wild and bold instead of being the ordinary kind. Like whiskey, he is strong and hard, so be ready to take whatever harsh words he may tell you.

I am the friend you have to explain to your other friends before they meet me.

Not all people can be friendly to a sarcastic person. Perhaps, the most foolish one will dare to try treating a sarcastic person as a real friend.

It’s nearly time for my Psychotic Break.

Being sarcastic is somewhat tiring as well. A sarcastic person may take some time to rest and be gentle to everyone.

I know I don’t have to be sarcastic, but the world has given me so much material to work with. I would hate to be wasteful.

Sometimes, a person tends to be sarcastic even if she doesn’t like to. With her short patience, she ends up being sarcastic when annoyed or disappointed.

Here’s a tissue, you have a little bullshit on your lip.

In this quote, the sarcastic person is about to burst in anger. She cannot take the bullshit speech of the one she’s talking to.

Only dead fish go with the flow.

It’s hard to get along with a sarcastic person. Only a dumb, extremely foolish person will be able to take her actions and words.
#177. Some people will only like you if you fit inside their box. Don’t be afraid to shove that box up their ass.

Some people are hard to please. This might be the best sarcastic quote for them.

If I say “First of all”. Run away because I have prepared research, data, and charts and will destroy you.

Don’t test a sarcastic person or you end up in pain and embarrassment. She has something more to say than you, as if she knows you a lot.

In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Sarcastic folks will defend themselves as much as they can in everything or anything. It’s hard to beat these guys in any kind of argument.

I am a nice person. Just don’t push the button.

At the back of every sarcastic person is a good heart. Just be careful not to get her irritated and angry.

The Slap. Keeping a..holes in line since 1836.

Stop being an asshole. If someone makes you feel unwelcome, back off or else get ready for a strong slap on your face.

Warning. I’m bored. Things could get dangerous.

Beware when a sarcastic person feels bored. You don’t know how she will energize herself.

I am currently experiencing life at the speed of 15 wtf’s per hour.

A sarcastic person tends to go crazy when she bursts in annoyance or anger. She starts to lose control in her actions and speech. A thousand of words can instantly go out of her mouth when she’s not okay.

Interviewer: What do you make at your current job?
Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.

Kidding aside, this is the other way around a sarcastic person will answer that common question asked in an interview. In real life, she will never answer that way. She wants the job, so she won’t be sarcastic in this moment.

I’m confident my last words will be, “Are you fu…ng kidding me?”

Put an end on your stupidity. Not all people can take you with kindness. Be careful once you hear this question: are you kidding me?!

I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than

A sarcastic person can be more hostile and violent when annoyed. The most destructive words in her mind can go out of her mouth in a second.

We all have problems. Some of us just choose not to post them on Facebook.

This sarcastic quote is dedicated to persons who are fond of posting everything in their lives, including their problems. This is mean way to tell you stop sharing your problems on Facebook.

In all honesty, things would’ve never worked between us. I’m a unicorn, you’re a donkey; I’m majestic, and you my love are just an ass.

Building a good relationship with a person who tends to be sarcastic in his words can be so challenging. A sarcastic one will never treat you well if you’re not good in her eyes.

It must be hard putting makeup on your two faces every day.

This quote is dedicated to a person who can’t be true to their feelings and actions. They walk in with 2 faces (a good one and a bad one) that only a sarcastic person can see.

Nothing brings a group of a…holes together faster than something that’s none of their business.

Assholes are assholes. They love to talk about nonsense. That is how they look in the eyes of a sarcastic person.

Don’t be an a..hole to me, cause then I have to be an a..hole to you. And I’m way better at being an a..hole than you are.

Beware when someone says this line to you. When you annoy a sarcastic person, he can be crazy like you or even more than what you are.

My decision-making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.

Sarcastic persons can come up with a choice in just one blink of their eyes. They don’t hesitate. Their decisions are always final.

Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs.

This is another harsh thinking from a sarcastic individual pertaining to a person she doesn’t like. For her, a fool is just a toy that can make her happy when her sarcastic mode kicks in.

I would like to confirm that I do not care.

Sarcastic folks are hard to understand. They might be mistakenly recognized caring when in reality they don’t, even for once.

Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

A sarcastic person doesn’t depend on anyone but to herself only. If everyone around her is stupid, she has no other choice but to depend on herself.

Breaking someone’s trust is like crumpling up a perfect piece of paper. You can smooth it over but it’s never going to be the same again.

Break the trust of a sarcastic person and you will never get it back. This quote best explains what a sarcastic person thinks when someone breaks her trust.

Please cancel my subscription to your issues.

A sarcastic friend does not care about your issues in life. Don’t connect her to your issues in life as she doesn’t want to help.

Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. Whatever works.

A sarcastic person can make a person happy. Or, she can also do the opposite. She is capable of doing whatever she likes.

Patience. What you have when there are too many witnesses.

A sarcastic person also knows how to be patient when it’s hard to defend oneself against the many. Patience is so important to her though it tends to be so limited in most cases.

Good judgment comes from experience. And experience? Well, that comes from poor judgment.

Experiences can help form good judgment about a person. However, for sarcastic persons, experience often comes from the negative judgment. The negatives stay longer in their minds, which help them tell an intriguing story about their experiences.

I don’t know how to accept compliments. So thanks, suck a or whatever.

A sarcastic person does not know how to be happy and thankful when getting compliments. Actually, she is not after getting compliments.

I need a cocktail. Hold the tail.

This sarcastic quote seems to mean something else and not the cocktail. What’s on your mind when someone says “cock”?!

I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you my friend, are the f..cking cactus.

For a sarcastic one, having a foolish friend can mean happiness or headaches. This person can be a thorn to her heart or an icing to her favorite cake. It depends on the situation, actually.


These 204 sarcastic quotes will truly make your mind go crazy. While they may seem hard to understand, you may laugh or feel annoyed once you get their meanings. Try your favorite out of these quotes and see how it will work.

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